“At the supposed peak of my career, with a James Beard nomination and a string of other awards in hand, I broke. Except this time I couldn’t keep going. My restaurant was failing; in spite of the immense press we received, we remained mostly empty, often cooking for just a handful of people each night. I had been battling a lawsuit brought by a former customer, and I had eaten myself alive with self-doubt. I possessed no coping skills. I had abandoned my friends and family. I’d completely tuned out the advice of teachers and mentors. What played out over the next few months was a cliché: The restaurant closed, I filed for bankruptcy, and I took stock of my life and saw nothing.”—Ari Taymor
[Sean Brock] he has a new mission. Forget cooking shrimp and grits, he said, using a much stronger verb. “Anybody can do that,” he said. “I have this opportunity in front of me. If I can inspire people to take better care of themselves in this industry, that will be my greatest contribution.”
It’s not just about alcohol, he said. It’s about teaching people in the restaurant business how to ask for help.
“Suffering is suffering,” he said. “It doesn’t matter if you are addicted to porn on the internet or you’re codependent or you’re addicted to gambling or if you’re addicted to ‘The Real Housewives of Atlanta.’ You’re suffering, and that’s what gets us into trouble.”—Kim Severson
Sother Teague is the beverage director and head of the bartending team at Amor y Amargo, co-host of The Speakeasy on Heritage Radio, President of USBGNY and partner at Coup. He’s sharing his story in the hope that it will help other people in the industry know they are not alone.
I was recently in an accident. Typical New York City story, hit by a car while commuting on my bicycle. It really is a jungle out there. Luckily, the only injury I sustained was a broken humerus which isn’t as funny as it sounds.
This poses a significant obstacle in my daily life. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be an inconvenience for just about everyone but, as a bartender, I can’t perform the basic functions of my job without the use of both arms. Not only does this mean I’m lifting and pouring from bottles, scooping ice and, shaking drinks, I’m entertaining people. And I’m doing all of it in my favorite hiding place: plain sight. I’m practically on stage with the audience a mere two feet away and yet I’m keeping something from them.
In addition to the current physical injury, I also carry a mental affliction: depression. It’s been a part of my personal vernacular since childhood. Back then, I’d avoid social situations and spend a great deal of time alone. Then, as I got older I realized it was pretty easy to mask my symptoms by being extra-social, a clown or a cut-up. It helped me feel like I fit in. At the time I had no way of knowing that I was beginning to build a lifelong strategy for how to cope with my issues.
As time progressed, I became a good storyteller and conversationalist. These skills helped me get employment and generate a facade of normalcy. But inside I was typically in pain and struggling with anxiety. So, I generated my most effective coping mechanism, the one I rely on most today: overworking. It’d be unfair if I didn’t mention that among other mechanisms overindulgence has played a major part in the form of alcohol, sex, exercise, food, television and, lately social media. But, overworking is the undisputed king. Plus, I figured out a way to do it right in front of people and still hide.
Bartending puts me back on that stage every night and I put on the show. This doesn’t mean that I’m insincere, it does however mean that a great deal of it is sort of out-of-body for me. When I’m at work, I’m ON and afterward comes the big crash. So to maintain the high, I keep taking on projects. I almost never say no to an offer and this keeps me going. The dial is always turned up to 11 and I am coated in a veneer of confidence. The reward for hard work is more work.
Now with this broken arm I’m stopped cold. I’m having trouble getting out of bed and facing the world. I can’t be ON. The depression and anxiety are always at the forefront of my thoughts. I’m struggling again as I have so many times before. Suddenly I feel as if the best of times are behind me and that the dark clouds will plague whatever time I have left. I’m trying to understand what joy is and if I’ll ever achieve it again or if I ever actually have before. Food is as tasteless as it is when I have a cold, the skies seem endlessly grey and, a general sense of numbness is beginning to take me over.
I’ve been in and out of therapy for over 20 years. Sometimes it helps, other times not so much. I’ve also talked to friends and loved ones individually about my issues with similar outcomes.
But this time, I did something different, for the first time, I spoke out about my depression through the loudspeaker that is social media. I didn’t go into great detail but I made it clear that I was not doing well. I thought long and hard about it, wrote several drafts and held on to them for weeks prior to finally posting. I’m not entirely sure what compelled me but I can make the educated guess that it’s because so very many of my friends have slowly been revealing similar issues of their own on this platform. It seems that depression, anxiety and addiction are all prevalent in the hospitality sector and so, it felt reasonably safe to expose myself. I was nervous but, it felt good, somewhat cathartic.
Today, I awoke to dozens of responses from people telling me to “hang in there.” All were sincere but understandably a bit trite. It’s difficult for people to sit idly by while another is in pain. However, and most interestingly, I also received a great many accounts from people I know who are dealing with similar issues. Many publicly and an equal or greater number reached out to me privately. I’m not going to say that knowing other people are in a similar pain or fight as mine makes my pain diminish but, at least knowing that I’m not alone makes me want to overcome it more. As well as help others overcome it.
I hope that this message reaches people who are seeking to break free from depression and emphasizes to them that they are neither broken beyond repair nor alone. There are resources all around us and there is support in unlikely places just when you need it most.
“The average leisure and hospitality employee stays at one job for only 2.2 years. With hazardous working conditions and low rates of health benefits, high levels of attrition are hardly surprising. With a chef shortage, attrition is costly and retention is vital for the restaurant industry. Chefs may love cooking, servers may have a passion for hospitality, and bartenders may excel at making drinks, but a harsh working environment may knock some would-be long-termers out of the game early.”—Dakota Kim
Read “New Businesses Give Restaurant Workers The Tips They Ache For: Wellness” at NPR: The Salt
“In hindsight, the turning point in my career probably should have happened 25 years ago.
I was 17, a busser who could clear dishes and reset tables faster than anyone – when it was busy. Slow nights I slacked off. Then a manager I respected pulled me aside and said, ‘There’s no doubt about your ability, but you can’t only be good when we’re busy, you need to be good all the time.’
The conversation stuck with me, but I wish I could say the lesson stuck. The reality is my years in restaurants led to a cycle of alcohol and drug abuse. And now, sober and in a new stage of my career, the restaurant is where I’m looking for transformation.
Anyone who started out in the restaurant scene when I did – the early 90’s – knows how much it’s changed. Back then, being a part of a restaurant staff meant being part of the party—which really, never stopped.”—Ted Ripko
Read “The Restaurant Scene Fed My Addictions. Now It’s Giving Me Purpose.” at Upserve